Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
