I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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