So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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