I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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