I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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