She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
