My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
