do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
