Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
