He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need moral support for this bender
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
