So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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