Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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