I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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