So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
