New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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