and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i believe in u and ur pee
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
