I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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