just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
