chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
