she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
