I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
