so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
