I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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