I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
