you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
