She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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