in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize