I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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