His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
