Welp...herpes.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this boner is exhausting
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
