She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
