Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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