Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
