haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
