good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
