alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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