he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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