in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need a beard to bite.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
