I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
