Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
