jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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