Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
