Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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