I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
