You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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