You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
