So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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