the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
