Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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