Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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