You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
