I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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