The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
