Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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