I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
