His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
