my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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