Someone shit on the floor
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
