I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
