Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
