After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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