im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
