Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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